so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
