I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
