Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
