I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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