my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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