mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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