Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
