after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
