I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
