I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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