If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
