Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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