Christians are straight up FREAKS
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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