i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
