There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
