Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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