All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
