so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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