I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
