Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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