If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
