Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
