There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
