: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
