I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
