Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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