And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
