just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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