k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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