Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
