It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
