You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
