is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
