i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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