apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
