She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
