I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
