I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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