yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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