I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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