if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
