I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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