My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i came on her dog
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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