I puked a lego.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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