Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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