some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
