pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
