And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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