I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
