I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
