And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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