we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
