im about as happy as oj after his trial
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
