Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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