I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
