Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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